1.618
w/o May 27th 2024
look for patterns in chaotic & ‘random’ events, experiences, behaviors, etc. these could be in nature, in our own emotions & actions (or inactions), in the structure of a city, in a computer, in a body. do these patterns uncover an underlying order or meaning? are they coincidental?
CW: strong language.
I found the idea of tackling the golden ratio interesting, and the stream of consciousness erupted from there. below you can find the full text. thanks for reading!
click to view the full text
There is a ratio they say nature follows in spirals in petals in the way leaves and branches arrange themselves and yet I find myself spiralling further and further into asymmetry as my organs decay and my bones tire I’m being told my beauty is measured at exactly 1.61803398875 and images of infernal contraptions sold in pretty pretty stores flood my mind I’m being sold heaven in a non-recyclable plastic case but I’m yet to hear the bell ring as if a recyclable case would please Him better would let me through the pearly gates and into a new different kind of misery as if death rearranged into the right shape a pleasing shape a shape that will be agreeable to the 5,000,000,000 or so eyes watching constantly watching always watching and watching and watching and finally they will like me and love me and compliment me on how my genes finally corrected the capital sin of non-conformity capitulated to the mathematicians rebuilding humanity from the ground up in their image the image of a likely white likely straight likely cis likely able-bodied likely man likely likely likely likely to be anything but me and everything like me and I’m afraid the gates will only open for me halfway when my form is revealed for what it is an existential horror of the worst degree an indistinguishable mass of blood and meat and excrement not unlike all the other masses of blood and meat and excrement and if I am made in His image do His blood and meat and excrement perhaps follow the fated ratio are the mathematicians right oh God are they right please tell me so I can rearrange myself to better fit Your image so I can be good if I am pretty will I be good will I be loved will I be ready for all You are or will I be the same sad tired bundle of organic matter except ordered in the most agreeable fashion for all to benefit but me as I look in the mirror and watch my once familiar features spiral and spiral into something lovable but wholly inhuman wholly other wholly strange and further from Him still further and further and somewhere along the way I will long for asymmetry once again.