I don't eat dairy anymore
w/o July 22nd 2024
explore how things break, branch, become fractals-- where does the importance in repetition or breaking away from it lie?
CW: depictions and mentions of anxiety, catastrophising, cancer and the heat death of the universe; it’s just a rough one overall, folks - feel free to tap out
I don’t eat dairy anymore because if I eat dairy I will get an upset stomach and if I get an upset stomach I will be stuck in the bathroom for hours and if I’m stuck in the bathroom for hours I will be late to my job and if I’m late to my job my boss will fire me and if my boss fires me I can’t take the tube anymore because he takes the tube as well and if I can’t take the tube anymore because he takes the tube as well then I will have to take the bus and if I take the bus the bus will get hijacked and if the bus gets hijacked I will be taken hostage and if I get taken hostage my mother will worry herself sick and if she worries herself sick I’ll have to take her to the hospital and if I take her to the hospital I’ll find out she has terminal cancer and if she has terminal cancer she will die soon and if she dies soon everybody else I love will die soon and if everybody else I love dies soon I will be left alone in the world to wait for my own inevitable demise and if I am left alone in the world to wait for my own inevitable demise I will do everything in my power to not die and if I do everything in my power to not die I will find the secret to eternal life and if I find the secret to eternal life I will have to watch everybody else in the world die and if I have to watch everybody else in the world die I will have to watch the planet die as well and get swallowed by the Sun and if I have to watch the planet die as well and get swallowed by the Sun I will have to keep searching for planets that haven’t died yet and if I keep searching for planets that haven’t died yet I will soon run out of planets to escape to and if I run out of planets to escape to I will have to bear witness to the heat death of the Universe knowing that no matter what I did I would have died alone anyway and whether I waited decades or eons made no difference at all and the last conscious thought in the Universe will be one of indescribable grief and despair so I don’t eat dairy anymore.
gonna take a moment to reassure anyone who might read this that I am, in fact, doing alright at the moment. I played around with stream of consciousness once again (apologies for the headache), I thought it fit the subject quite well. I focussed on the concept of fractals and its similarity with the spiral of anxiety - this text is of course an artistic abstraction but beyond the absurdity of the extrapolations lies my lived experience and its intensity. thanks for reading!